The Pirate Queen
by Calypso Diangelos
Summary: SG1 gate to a planet where Jack is captured by a rebel pirates whose leader looks mysteriously like Sam. Trouble insues when the he's mistaken for the commander of the royal fleet commissioned to track them down. (Danny is dead but sorta around) *Ch2*
1. The Captain

The Pirate Queen

By: Calypso

SG1 gate to a planet where Jack is captured by a band of pirates whose leader looks mysteriously like Sam. Trouble insues when the Pirates mistake him for the commander of the royal fleet commissioned to track them down. (As usual Danny is dead but still around.) S/J...sort of

AN: Yeah I know, I really should finish my other fic first, but I just got the idea for this one as I was writing the first chapter of Amalgam so I figured I might as well post it. Tell me what you think. Oh - and in case you're wondering why this is labeled humor, you'll find the joke at the end of this story.

*~*~*

"Whoa…" 

"Ahh…"

"Sir!"

"Jonas Quinn be careful!" 

These were the reactions of SG -1 as they walked out from the event horizon on PX1 -371 - and almost straight off a cliff. The Stargate on this planet, which happened to be located in the mouth of a cave, was about three feet away from a vertical drop onto some rather sharp rocks protruding from an expanse of what seemed to be a sea of _purple_ water.

"Sorry Teal'c." Jonas gave a half-apologetic grin as he backed away from the big Jaffa. Colonel O ' Neil was doing the same by Major Carter after having nearly knocked her over when he himself had come out of the Stargate. 

"Hey, is it just me or is that water purple?" A master of the obvious, Jack stated what the others had already noticed. Walking dangerously close to the edge, Jonas squatted down and looked over the edge, smiling in the goofy way he tended too when he discovered something new. Sam too, tried to gain a better vantagepoint as she leaned out of the cave mouth.

"Well it can't be a light reflection, the sky here's blue. Maybe it's a reaction in the molecular structure?" The two began an animated discussion of what might cause water to be purple and while Jack soon found himself completely lost, Teal'c seemed to be very interested and began adding his own thoughts to the matter. The three were soon discussing some of the folk lure Teal'c had read in a book he found at Daniel's and the conversation drifted between the scientific implications and the cultural ones.

"I'm uh… just going to go check out the rest of this cave." Jack slowly backed away from his three teammates, his only acknowledgement having been a rather automated 'yes sir' coming from Carter. _Knew I shoulda paid more attention in those danged earth science classes._

As he walked deeper into the cave, Jack let out a sigh that could only be considered 'resigned'. It wasn't that he regretted the direction he'd taken in life, it was just that it tended to be rather easy to feel left out when the other members of his team went off on some scientific tangent, especially Carter. That just hurt. Not paying attention to where he was going Jack didn't notice the terrain he was walking on; not that he would've seen much in the dim lighting anyway. Unfortunately, his lack of concentration caused him to step and before he knew it he was falling through space. _Aw Crap._

***

"What the hell is he doing here?" The first thing Jack heard when his mind swam back to conciseness was a woman's voice. It sounded distant, but from he hand on his uniform, he figured that she couldn't be that far away. "And what the fuck is he wearing." _Oh, natives._ Jack's mind processed his thoughts, but it couldn't seem to force his eyes open.

"I don't know. The Captain won't be pleased that he got here before us though. In fact, if I had my guess? I'd say that he's gonna be in for a hell'uva painful welcome." This time the voice was closer than the last one. _Wonder who they're talking about._ He thought. After all, it couldn't be him, he hadn't been on the planet long enough for anyone to know him. 

"Ugh." No realizing that he'd groaned out loud, Jack kept his eyes closed and was surprised when he heard a woman snicker in reply.

"Look's like he's up after all." The woman who's hand was on his shoulder was speaking to her companion, but now she spoke to him as she patted his shoulder. "Rise and Shine Commander, no use pretending to be unconscious now." Jack forced his eyes open, groaning as they focused in the darkness of the cave.

"That's Colonel to you!" The woman standing a distance away, the one he couldn't see, laughed.

"Looks like he hit his head harder than we thought." Looking up, Jack realized that the woman leaning over him couldn't have been more than thirty despite her oddly platinum white hair. She sent her companion a disapproving glance before focusing her eyes on him.

"Can you walk?" Jack nodded, though he wasn't really sure if he could even stand up. _Where the hell is Carter? _For the first time, his team came to mind and he began to worry slightly. Quickly glancing around he realized that his pack and his weapons were no where around though he still wore his BDU's. "Then you'd better get up cuz I'm not carrying you." Jack got up, he figured that if it came to it, he had a better chance of fighting if he was on his feet than on his back.

Once on his feet, Jack realized two things, the first was that the woman who had been ordering him around was barely five feet. The second was that there were more than just two women in the cave, Standing on ledges were three men, one who held a torch and two with their weapons aimed at him. At first glance the weapons looked like crossbows - or would have if the arrow shafts hadn't been glowing blue. "So - do we know each other?" Jack spoke in as sarcastic a tone as he dared, wagging his eyebrows as he did so.

"Shut up and move Commander, I'm not in the mood for you're humor." The last word was practically spat at him, and she too raised a weapon to him. _Fierce little bugger, _Jack thought, s_eems like she's used to authority - wonder who she thinks I am. _The platinum hairedwoman gave him a shove, causing him to stumble slightly, muttering under his breath Jack walked as she directed him, two of her men falling in behind her, all three weapons trained on him. "I wouldn't try anything if I were you. However close your men may be, ours are closer." 

At the mention of 'his men' Jack wondered what had happened to his team. Surely they wouldn't just leave him? On the other hand, he had gone off into the caves without telling him, maybe they'd searched for him while he blacked out and than gated back to the SGC to get backup when they couldn't find him. _No… Carter and Teal'c wouldn't just leave the planet without me._

Jack thought hard about SG 1 as they marched relentlessly through tunnels that never seemed to end, at last it began to grow light again and he could hear the roar of the sea. "Simon, Lurake, James, get over here!" As they reached the mouth of the cave, three more men appeared - all of them were armed. When they saw him, all of their eyes got wide, and one began to grin in a way that reminded Jack of Jonas.

"Well would ya look at what Kat dragged in." The man gave a mock salute to him, "Good to see you again Commander - though I gotta say I'm glad those two goons a yur's ain't witchea." The man spoke with the broad tones of a peasant and rolled his 'r's strangely.

"Nice to see you to." Jack reached a hand forward to pat the man on the back - if somewhat scurrilously, however, he immediately felt Kat's crossbow at the back of his skull.

"Don't even move." Jack shrugged and walked forward, immediately finding himself kicked to his knees from behind - were he not so outnumbered, he would've struck the platinum haired woman for that. "I told you not to move. Now, if you want to walk you'll get up and walk where I tell you to - got it?" Jack nodded silently, forcing himself to bite his tongue. "Now turn to your left and keep moving until I tell you to stop."

Repressing a sigh, Jack did as he was told, coming to a stop about four feet away from a red haired woman surrounded by numerous guards. The woman had her back to him, from where he stood Jack could only tell that she had straight red hair worn in a half ponytail and that she was dressed as the others were in a white shirt and tan colored pants under a brown leather tunic. At her waist was a black leather belt, from it hung a sword whose hilt was inlayed with Sapphires.

"Captain!" The platinum haired woman _Kat_, he reminded himself, called out to her captain who immediately turned. When she saw him, her face took on a rather predatory look, a sardonic half smile touching the edge of her mouth, laughter dancing in her turquoise eyes. As she drew closer, Jack felt his draw dropping. _Carter? _His brain immediately recognized the impossibility of her being Sam, but the resemblance was still uncanny. Seeing his mouth open and close a few, the Captain began to laugh gaily.

"Commander Jonathan! You seem surprised to see me." She walked around him in a circle; Jack didn't bother trying not to follow her with his eyes. "Did you really think I'd allow someone else the pleasure of capturing you? Though I'll admit that this honor was rightly Kat's." When he didn't reply, she simply turned to Kat. "Where are the rest of his men?" 

Kat shrugged, as always giving an honest answer. "I don't know ma'am. We found him unconscious in one of the caves, I think he hit his head." The Captains suddenly narrowed, turning to him in a suspicious glare.

"You're certain you weren't followed?" Kat nodded, it was impossible for them to have been followed, and any footsteps other than their own would've been heard in the tunnels. 

"Yes Ma'am." The captain took this in, tilting her head slightly as she decided her next move. Jack took this opportunity to roll his eyes and speak up.

"Oh for crying out load. What the hell is this? And why does everyone keep on calling me Cdr.? My rank is COLONEL. You of all people should know that Carter." Jack used his usual hand gestures as they spoke, realizing that this woman before him wasn't Sam, but using her name none the less.

"You must have hit your head pretty hard. My names Mi'Yana not Carter." She turned her back to him, issuing orders at the top of her voice. "Mr. Johnston, load up the ship. Lurke, Simon, recall the other scouting parties - we're raising Anchor in an hour." Looking back towards him she gave him a once over than continued shouting out orders. "James, Nicria escort the Cdr. Here to the brig, see to it that Dr. Freya takes a look at that head wound of his." As they began drag him off, Jack finally rebelled, suddenly realizing that they intended to drag him aboard a ship and sail away.

"_Anise_? What the hell is this?" He struggled with his captors, easily bringing them both to the ground. Unfortunately, this caused Kat, who was still standing behind him to loosen one of her blue arrows into his back and for the second time that day Jack's world went black.

***

__

Feel free to alert me to any typos. I write fairly fast, but unfortunately not faster than I think, which occasionally results in the omission of whole words. Hope you like it enough to review… that is if you want the next chapter.


	2. The Doctor

Chap 2: The Ship's Doctor

"Oww." The first thing Jack noticed when he awoke was the intense pain shooting through his left shoulder, that and the dull thudding inside his head.

"Better not move sir. That was a nasty fall you took." Janet's voice was soothing as always, and Jack didn't bother opening his eyes, taking a moment to adjust to being awake.

"Doc - it's you! Ay… I had the worst dream." Jack sighed as he spoke, wondering why his headache was making him feel as if the infirmary bed was rolling back and forth.

"Well if your nightmare was being captured by Captain Mi'Yana it wasn't a dream." The slightly amused tone in Janet's voice confused Jack, when he registered her words, his eyes went wide open and he almost sat up. Very suddenly, he realized that the rolling of his bed wasn't his imagination. He remembered the ship he had seen in the cove and realized that he was most probably on it.

"Aw Crap." Turning his head, he saw that it was the Doc he had been speaking to. Or at least a woman who looked like her. "Doc… why is your hair blue?"

"My hair's always been this color Commander. Remember?" Janet - or this woman who looked like Janet - raised her eyebrow at him. "Yours was too… before it went gray." Jack opened his mouth to say that he wasn't the commander, when the door opened and the woman who looked like Sam entered. The light caused Jack to squint and look down.

"And how is our patient today Dr. Freya?" Sam - _Mi'Yana,_ Jack reminded himself, was smiling a predatory smile as she walked into the room. _Freya?_

"He's alive." Janet responded. _Wait, _Jack thought, _Janet is FREYA?._ "However he still seems to be slightly delusional." Mi'Yana frowned slightly, then perked up again as she leaned closer to Jack.

"Delusional or in denial? Face it Commander, you just can't handle that you've been captured by your prey." She giggled slightly then. "You're actually pretty damn lucky Kat only grazed your shoulder. Normally when she shoots, she kills."

"For the last freaking time - MY RANK IS COLONEL!" Jacks out burst did not impress the two women in room, and he was rather shocked when Mi'Yana laughed, winked at him, then turned around and faced Freya again.

"Is his concussion really that bad?" Freya frowned then, not sure how to rely her next piece of information.

"Actually Ma'am, I'm not sure he has a concussion at all. He seems to actually believe he's not the Commander." Mi'Yana frowned too, and for the first time turned around to look at Jack closely.

Her scrutiny made him uncomfortable, and for the first time Jack noticed that his shirt was gone and that his torso was covered only by a bandage applied to his left shoulder. Very suddenly, Mi'Yana's eyes Narrowed and her hand closed around his right arm. Yanking him forward she took a look at his back and then let out a string of curses, after a moment, Jack was able to decipher some of what she was saying. "Damn it all to hell! - Fucking idiots. - What the hell did I ever do to deserve this shit." She slammed her fist in to one of the walls, causing Freya to step forward and take a look at her hand. Mi'Yana shrugged Freya aside and immediately unsheathed a weapon that seemed to move out of her wrist which she pointed at Jack. "Who the fuck are you?"

Jack noticed with some startlement that she was addressing him. "Colonel Jack O'Neill. USAF." He knew that his full name was Jonathan, but just now was not the time to emphasize the similarities between him and whoever this commander person was.

"Colonel hum? Then I take it you're not Royal Navy. Damn." This time she kicked the bunk. She let out an angry hiss and turned to Freya. "He may be a trap. Make sure he won't die on us than turn him over to Kat for interrogation. If she's otherwise occupied than lock him in the hold." 

"Yes Ma'am." In an amazing fast movement, Mi'Yana was gone. Briefly, Jack heard her shouting orders out on deck before her voice disappeared completely.

Blinking, Jack turned to Freya and regarded her closely. "How did she…?"

Sensing what his question was going to be, Janet hesitated slightly before answering. "She knows you… the uh, real you… I mean the commander fairly well. She's given him a few scars in her time. You don't have any of them." Jack cocked his eyebrow slightly. From what he'd been able to gather so far, he had pieced together that this Commander Jonathan was not friendly with Captain Mi'yana, from his treatment he had deduced that they were either rebels of Pirates of some kind. What he had not yet figured out was how two people with the relationship Mi'Yana and the Cdr. Seemed to have would be able to see each others scars up close. "You're not from around here are you?"

Jack shook his head but did not elaborate.

"I see. Around here Mi'Yana and Jonathan are something akin to a living legend. She's the Rebel Pirate Queen and he's the man in charge of capturing her for the sake of the crown. The two of them have a bit of a past you see, and everyone loves singing about an impossible romance." Freya broke off for a moment and looked at Jack who urged her to continue.

"A couple years back Commander Jonathan captured our ship through a fluke of luck. Mi'Yana, being the resourceful woman that she is, seduced him and managed to get him to let down his guard enough so that she could release us and overtake the royal navy sailors before we reached port. As you can imagine, the incident caused the Commander no small amount of embarrassment. Anyway, a few months later we ran into each other again, and had another skirmish. That time, we outnumbered the Commander's men two to one and the situation was basically the reverse of the last one." Freya shrugged, not seeing the need to elaborate and add details for a stranger. "Ever since the two of them keep on clashing at sea when their crews are around. When we're not, they have a habit of falling into each others arms when they're not trying to kill each other. If you ask me -"

Freya's dialogue was interrupted by a commotion outside. Faintly Jack was able to make out Kat's voice shouting. "Captain there are Royal Navy ships approaching starboard. It looks like Commander Jonathan's fleet."

Freya glanced at Jack, appraising his level of health. When she saw him wince in pain, she assumed that he wouldn't be in any shape to attempt an escape. "Guess you're going to see for yourself. Although I don't recommend you go on deck." With that, she removed the lid off of a trunk that had been sitting near Jack. Out of it she pulled a quiver of Orange arrows and a bow. Without another word she ran out of the infirmary and onto deck. The moment she was gone, Jack quit his pretense of being in pain. Grabbing his shirt, he slowly followed the doctor. _Now, let's find out where the hell I really am._

AN: Hi everyone, it's been a tough couple of weeks for me. Please forgive how long this has taken. Please read and review. I hope you'll excuse the brevity of this chapter, I realize I kind of condense a lot of information that would sound a lot more naturally if I didn't have people explaining it in monologues but . I swear the next one will be quicker in coming.


End file.
